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Thursday, September 9, 2010

when you pick the lock....




Some times there needs to be 4 locks on these things.... OR maybe we should evaluate why it is we want to eat these things, things that taste "good" but are not so "good" for us.  The bliss of sugar takes all the pain away, like a narcotic I would guess, leaving you feeling like....




If it were so easy to diet and lose weight, it wouldn't be a problem, it wouldn't be a bazillion dollar industry.  Instead, people are suffering.  Obesity is an epidemic, eating disorders are getting worse and growing.  Two extremes are happening, so much for the bell curve.  New ED's are sprouting, one bread being the food-obsessed picture taking I don't eat anything really bloggers.... a border on orthorexia, perhaps.

Okay, so I am being a bitch, well I am tired, it is the middle of the night and I just feel like saying what I feel.  Pessimistic maybe! Don't like it?  Don't read.  

So here I am sitting here, hypocrite, projecting maybe? Angry at the world and angry at the ones that are just pieces of me.  I am starting to think of that Jewel song... what a good album, and WTF happened to her anyways, she got all soft on us.  

So why pick the lock, why succumb to eating disordered behavior.....


Something I found on ED

Biological

A disorder can be caused by such things like obsessive compulsive disorder, depression or in the case of bulimia patients abnormally low serotonin levels.
Patients with severe obsessive compulsive disorder, depression or bulimia patients were all found to have abnormally low serotonin levels. Neurotransmitters such as serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine are secreted by the intestines and central nervous system during digestion.
Researchers have also found low cholecystokinin levels in bulimics. Cholecystokinin is a hormone that causes one to feel full and decreases eating. Low levels of this hormone are likely to cause a lack of satiative feedback when eating, which can lead to overeating. Another explanation researchers found for overeating is abnormalities in the neuromodulator peptides, neuropeptide Y and peptide YY. Both of these peptides increase eating and work with another peptide called leptin. Leptin is released by fat cells and is known to decrease eating. Research found the majority of people who overate produced normal amounts of leptin but they might have complications with the blood-brain barrier preventing an optimal amount to reach the brain.
Cortisol is a hormone released by the adrenal cortex which promotes blood sugar and increases metabolism . High levels of cortisol were found in people with eating disorders. This imbalance may be caused by a problem in or around the hypothalamus. A study in London at Maudsley Hospital found that anorexics were found to have a large variation of serotonin receptors and a high level of serotonin.
Many of these chemicals and hormones are associated with the hypothalamus in the brain .Damage to the hypothalamus can result in abnormalities in temperature regulation, eating, drinking, sexual behavior, fighting, and activity level.

Trauma

Eating disorders should also be understood in the context of experienced trauma, with many eating problems beginning as survival strategies rather than vanity or obsession with appearance. This can be caused by experiencing severe trauma or a major life changing experience, such as the loss of a loved one, parents getting divorced, moving to a new school etc
Research from a family systems perspective indicates that eating disorders stem from both the adolescent's difficulty in separating from over-controlling parents, and disturbed patterns of communication. When parents are critical and unaffectionate, their children are more prone to becoming self-destructive and self-critical, and have difficulty developing the skills to engage in self-care giving behaviors. Such developmental failures in early relationships with others, particularly maternal empathy, impairs the development of an internal sense of self and leads to an over-dependence on the environment. When coping strategies have not been developed in the family system, food and drugs serve as a substitute..

Environmental

The media may be a significant influence on eating disorders through its impact on values, norms, and image standards accepted by modern society . Both society’s exposure to media and eating disorders have grown immensely over the past decade. Researchers and clinicians are concerned about the relationship between these two phenomena and finding ways to reduce the negative influence thin-ideal media has on women’s body perception and susceptibility to eating disorders.
The dieting industry makes billions of dollars each year by consumers continually buying products in an effort to be the ideal weight. Hollywood displays an unrealistic standard of beauty that makes the public feel incredibly inadequate and dissatisfied and forces people to strive for an unattainable appearance. This takes an enormous toll on one's self-esteem and can easily lead to dieting behaviors, disordered eating, body shame, and ultimately an eating disorder.
Posted from Why Eat.net

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Which, witch, is which?

Ever wonder about people.  What I mean is who people really are behind closed doors, what they say and do in relation to you and how that may or may not effect you.


Recently I was told something that someone else said that utterly shocked me.  It wasn't about me per se but had to do with me and the whole point is, it hurt me.  It was a selfish and rude thing to say-be mad about.  I can't of course regurgitate that here exactly, and it doesn't matter, it is the point.  Someone I have known my whole life, suddenly I see in a whole new light.  Someone who I thought was one thing to me is now something else.

Something I will have to stew over and think about more, and I will post about what I come up with later, not that anyone but me cares but whatever.

That probably makes no sense to anyone.... but like a sad song, we all have our own interpretation of it.

On to other things...  No bingeing or spitting or any of that ridiculous non-sense.  Just no need to.  My mind would like to take a needle and literally sew my mouth shut, but in reality that is crazy, and well, I am  but I am not.  There is more to life than food, finding the release in something else is highly important.  Weight should not = happiness, it should just be a characteristic that holds no emotional value.  BUT it does, why does it?  Will anyone ever know??? ever ever???

Summer is almost over, Boo!          But I digress.....



Wednesday, September 1, 2010

what a day, what a day

Meh.  Not a good day, could be worse I suppose.  I have seemed to have fallen into the clutches of brain circuitry gone wrong.  WTF!  I can blame a bit of it on other things besides my lack of will power, I mean if that were the case, I had plenty of will power for many years, now all of a sudden I don't.


This is how I feel, I don't look like her, a lot fatter... boooooo!  But this is my head, my mind and only 70,000 calories away from similar shaped image.

I know I sound like an immature-eating-disorder-freakaszoid, but whatever at least I am keeping it real.  I can't tell you how many glitzed up stupid jazzy blogs I come accross that I just want to utterly roll my eyes in the back of my borderline head.  Really, so many of us are not mentally "right" but pretend we are.  What a joke.

Anyways, goal is to get better, not sulk in this misery bullshit.  I want to be a success story, yes, even in the wake of this ED which is a chronic illness, don't kid yourself.

I have officially gained like 17 lbs in a month, how in the F*ck that happened I have no idea, well at least 10 lbs of it is a mystery.

I am planning to diet, do my DBT and get this shit under control.  I am going to see a therapist and I would like to get the focus of this pathetic blog geared in a new direction.  I have hopes, and dreams and aspirations and this self-sabatoge is not only killing me it is a straight up bore to those around me, if not somewhat annoying.

So, my limited readers, we shall try to do better.  Focus focus focus.